I was away in Adelaide for 7 nights a few weeks back, which is the longest I’ve been away from our boys since 2019. It was a welcome break from day-to-day mothering, after quite an intense few months of transition in our lives and holding space for them (and me) through some big changes and feelings.

The week before leaving I was ready to throw my hands in the air and say “this is all too hard!” Do you know the feeling? When all of a sudden you have to transfer all the knowledge we hold as mothers to someone else (in my case – multiple people across the week, who I’m so thankful for!). It really felt like a lot, like…

Please…

Put this cream on this child on this day.

Pack this thing in this one’s lunchbox for this.

Remember snacks for swimming lessons.

Turn the air conditioner down when you go to bed otherwise it gets a bit cool.

Remember they need their formal uniform this day and sports uniform this day.

And the list goes on!

On top of this you are managing your own big mixed bag of feelings about leaving, and the anxieties of your little people. I know you will relate! It clearly demonstrates the mental load that we carry day-to-day. We do so much thinking work that we’re not even aware of!

Though my time away was largely work-related and the days were full, I had space and quiet time for my nervous system to settle, I had FUN, sleep-ins, new experiences, a change from my routine and a break from the physical ‘doing’ of motherhood.

Self care looks different for all of us but what I’ve learned is it’s essential, not a luxury.

I felt like a new woman when I returned home.

As you will also know, getting away doesn’t happen by accident. I have to schedule it, plan for it, get everything in place, and most importantly – give myself permission, feel worthy of it and not feel guilty about it! I’ve learned it’s good for me, our boys and our family as a whole for me to step away at times. 

Last year in Illuminate one of my clients (now a Mum of 3) shared that, for the first time, she had 2 nights away at a motel by herself. She shared in the community how refreshing, liberating and fulfilling it was, after she’d been holding off giving herself permission for about 5 years.

In Adelaide I met a lovely woman, Deb, who is a Mum of 5 and had never been away without her children. For 20 years they had gone wherever she did and she said it had never occurred to her that she was allowed to have that time apart. Deb sought me out to introduce herself and tell me that it was an Instagram story I shared that inspired her to leave the children at home this time. That she would be okay and they would be okay. For the first time in 20 years she and her husband were away together, just them. I was floored, humbled, and teary.

I know everyone’s circumstances are different and it’s not always easy to get away. It may even be impossible at certain times, like with a newborn baby or children with special needs. You may not even like or want to get away, and that’s totally fine! It’s about doing what feels good for you. What I know to be true for me is that some time and space helps me be the best version of me, and builds resilience in our children.

Is there something you are holding yourself back from doing because the feelings and logistics of having a physical break from mothering seem too hard?

I totally understand. What I want to say is that if it’s something you feel in your heart you want or need to do, you will find a way to make it work.

You will be okay, your babies will be okay. They’ll be waiting for you when you get home, when you walk in and see them with fresh eyes.