The Art of Trying: An intimate account of my journey to conceive
Our challenging journey to fulfil my dream of having a family despite infertility
Do you crave a family beyond belief, but struggle with the hurdles of conception?
Are you desperate to have a baby, but feel like you’re blocked by the barriers of infertility, health issues, isolation, and loss?
Do you feel like your body is failing you?
Awarded Amazon Bestselling Status, The Art of Trying is my raw, gripping and authentic account of my journey to create our family over seven years. With original photographs and journal entries included, it captures my husband and I working through the journey of conception and assisted reproductive technologies amidst geographic isolation, and the heartbreaking emotional trauma that comes with trying to conceive - and every battle in between.
This book is a cathartic, relatable and heartwarming must-read for women everywhere who struggle with infertility, miscarriage, TTC, and endometriosis - regardless of the point in their journey. Offering an incredibly raw perspective into the challenges of creating a family, The Art of Trying reminds women that they are never alone.
EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK
As the months rolled on busy with Sunburnt Country work (at home and away) AND acupuncture AND hoping I was ovulating AND hardly seeing Adam AND tracking my cycles down to every possible ovulation and pregnancy/PMT symptom AND recording when we had intercourse AND becoming involved in our new communities AND socialising AND working down at our farm, my frustration slowly began to niggle again.
Was it my endometriosis that was inhibiting us from conceiving? Was it building up again?
More than likely it wasn’t helping matters! Or was something else going on? Why was this not happening?
Dealing with frustration and lack of control is one of the toughest aspects of trying and getting nowhere. You internalise it and it slowly eats away at you. We are raised under the guise of the old saying “all you can do is your best.” I was used to doing my best and achieving whatever I set out to do. Well, when it comes to TTC even your best sometimes isn’t good enough. And it sucks. Big time.
I didn’t really fit in anymore. I had had my fill of partying and getting drunk on weekends at the pub, races or rugby, but I wasn’t yet in the Mum-with-a-pram stage. I was in between in the trying club, and it was a lonely and confusing place to hang. It’s a club no one wants to be in and membership should be free because it has shitty benefits. Everyone in it is looking over the fence at the baby club, craving to be with those cool cats instead.
I was grateful to still have my business and great clients, but I discovered that ‘work until I get pregnant’ was not cutting the mustard in terms of an aspirational business vision. I didn’t want to secure any long-term projects in case we had a baby. I didn’t know what I could or couldn’t take on in case we had a baby. I wasn’t setting goals in case we had a baby. A baby was the goal. I felt paused, suspended in motion, just waiting for those two pink lines on the pregnancy test to appear so I could press play on life again. It was stifling.
EVERYTHING hinged on becoming pregnant.
I couldn’t see any choice but to remain positive, focus on the day-to-day, keep looking after myself and for Adam and I to keep trying.
A Note from the Author
While business has always taken centre stage in my ‘list of achievements’, it was a very challenging - however, incredibly rewarding - decision, to move my personal life into the limelight by publishing The Art of Trying.
This painfully raw book was written to help other women know that they are never alone in the journey of infertility and pregnancy loss. Though this publication is not a how-to book, some of the insights and experiences shared by others helped lead me to conceive and understand, and may help others on their journey as well.
Thank you to the many across the world that have taken the time to read my personal journey to growing our family.
Happy reading,
Benita x
Praise for the Book
So so enjoying your book Benita. Just started it today - very hard to put down. I admire your courage and you for sharing it, immensely!
- Lyn
Just finished your book - LOVED IT! As someone who has been through the same rigmarole, I hear you. Well done on speaking out. I have so much respect for you, and your tumultuous time to get your 4 babes.
- Alice
So many of us know how it feels when our bodies feel out of control due to a health issue. Or when the plans we have for our life don’t work out. The Art of Trying is a book about never giving up. I am so grateful that through Benita’s story I have a greater awareness and sensitivity for those trying to conceive. It is a compelling reminder to always be kind and thoughtful with the topics of fertility, pregnancy and mental health.
You really never know what someone may be going through - books like this are vital in starting and continuing dialogue and awareness of the struggles of so many. A real stand out of this book is the beautiful kindness and love Benita shows her readers as she bravely and generously shares her personal journey in the hope that it will make their path a little easier.
- Susan
I got your book today. A truly beautiful read. So many tears. So happy you got your boys. Such a needed book in a space that’s not talked about enough. Don’t let it be your only book. Congratulations!
- Katie
Just wanted to let you know I read your book and loved it! The perfect mix of info and insight that is heartfelt and sincere (and amusing in parts also!). Well done! It was just such a good read I had to let you know.
- Trudi
Benita shares her story in a practical and heartfelt way to help others, and it has given me the opportunity to experience IVF from the other side of the desk.
- Dr Mark Livingstone
Anyone who is struggling, or has struggled, with infertility will find solace and solidarity in this story. Anyone who is supporting someone else’s struggles will benefit enormously from better understanding the raw, complex road that they face. But this book offers more than just insight; it is an enlightening, entertaining and engaging read that dives into a world that looks similar and yet is quite distant from our own.
- Mandy
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I acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land on which I live, work, and create – the Yorta Yorta people. I pay my respects to Elders past and present, and honour the deep wisdom, stories, and ongoing connection to Country.